This is a very evocative statement. In the ears of the receiver, this statement opens the listener up to a spectrum of possibilities. Anxiety, dread, excitement, opportunity, curiosity, disinterest … all are possible; the same listener may well respond differently depending on the nature of the conversation so far, their own circumstances, what’s going on around them at the time.
“Someone told me …” “A friend who was there …” “My son says …” “Did you know what’s being said around school?” – all variants on the same statement.
But, let’s make no mistake. These are POWER statements. The person making the statement has the privilege of knowing something about someone else and their circumstances. They want to increase that power, consciously or otherwise. The subject of the statement (that is, who it is about) is not present, unaware that the statement is being made; there are, potentially, no filters – and in my 50+ years of experience, truth – the factual account of events – is an early victim in statements such as these. As a leader in schools for 20+ years, I’ve heard a myriad of things that have been said about me and those I work with, said when we haven’t been present at the time of the initial statement, and the changes in the narrative have ranged from “spectacular” (the stuff of fairy tales) to minor (believable, but wrong on key points). It is bound to happen, when a story becomes second hand, third hand … and so on. It always changes.
How do we handle such an approach from a friend? As Christians together, we have a responsibility to our brother/sister who comes to us with such a statement. We also have a responsibility to the subject of the statement – the non-present person whose actions and attitudes are being discussed. We have a responsibility to God, to bring glory to him through what we do in this circumstance.
Psalm 141:3 (NIV) “Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.”
The Bible is very clear about the attitude we should have. For me, in a community as big as ours is (1250+ students, 750+ families, 1000s of alumni, 1000s of relatives), rumours have the power to become gossip very quickly. And the Bible leaves us in no doubt what God’s position is regarding gossip and those who fall into it.
Consider the following verses: Proverbs 18:21, Proverbs 20:19, Proverbs 26:20-21, Ephesians 4:29, James 1:26, James 4:11.
We also live in a world where the privacy of the individual is constantly under threat. When children make mistakes in our community, the way that the community responds says much about its culture. If it involves the leaders of the school in recovery and restoration from the mistake, they WILL NOT talk about it beyond the conversations they have with the child and their family.
I received, yesterday, a 129-page implementation document which outlines how schools in Australia need to respond to our Federal Government’s National Privacy Principles. It was a salient reminder of this approach that we take here at DCC. The individual’s details – at every level – must be protected. When an individual is a minor, that is “under-age”, the adults around them have a heightened responsibility for their welfare.
If you are invited into a conversation in which a statement like the ones at the beginning of this article is made, may I ask for the health of our community that you consider taking the following approach (with the person you are talking with):
1. remember that we all are broken and need forgiveness.
2. remember the individual that is being discussed, their brokenness and their need for forgiveness.
3. pray for the health and wellbeing of all members of the DCC community
4. pray for opportunities to grow
5. hand the details back to God – He is the Lord of all, and He, better than all of us, will bring restoration through his interest and involvement in our lives.
6. agree to be a power for positive, affirming, uplifting, God-honouring speech.
That would be awesome. Trust and love amongst us will grow, and our children will see the adults in their lives modelling dependency on God in all circumstances, adverse or blessed.
educating 4 life, too 
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